True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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