All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
