based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Couch. On fire.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
