i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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