so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
