Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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