is your mom at the bar?
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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