I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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