Three words: puerto rican gang bang
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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