There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
