im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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