my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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