so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
