bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
