you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
