my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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