she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
