Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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