i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
