He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
