At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
