i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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