thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
