mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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