Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
