it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
