Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
