All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
