I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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