Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
