Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
