i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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