matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
