I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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