I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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