is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
