She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
