So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
