OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
