I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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