I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
