You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
