I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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