Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
