There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
