At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
