ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
