i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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