I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
