don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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