I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
