My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
