Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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